Delivery Wars
by RatPack2002
Summary: Fry is forced to save Planet Express and the entire galaxy. Bender tags along. Love,Romance,Action and a brief cameo with a monkey, Black Jack and Hookers, this story has it all. Please Review, I dont care if you flame it...go ahead. Who cares
1. Chapter 1

Delivery Wars

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Futurama, along with many other things I write about…._

Mom stood at the window of her massive office and looked down at the city below her gigantic, 20,000 floor skyscraper. A scowl painted her wrinkled face.

"Look at the pathetic ants. They walk around aimlessly and lost." She said.

"Yes mother, stupid ants." The eldest son, Walt concurred.

"You could crush all of them with your very foot mother!" Larry added.

"Duh, actually ants are nature's engineers!" Ignar corrected.

Walt slapped his youngest brother in the head as he always did during an idiotic moment that frequented from him. Mom, somewhat amused lit up a cigarette and walked to her desk sitting in the throne behind it. She let out a sigh.

"Ignar, dearest fetch mommy something strong." Mom ordered her youngest son.

"What is the matter Mom" Walt asked.

"Planet Express is what's wrong! They have been taking our deliveries from right under our noses! They make the news at least once a week, people love them!" Mom said picking up the New New York Times.

The front headline had a picture of Dr. Zoidberg who had cured the diaherra epidemic that had plagued New New York after the whole tainted food at the Taco Belleview hospital. She slammed the paper down in disgust on her exotic Martian marble desk.

"Maybe we could lower our prices?" Larry asked.

Mom gave a dirty scowl to her middle son. Walt gave the exact same scowl to his younger brother. Larry sighed and slapped himself in the face as hard as he could.

"Hasn't your dear old mother taught you anything? If you can't compete with somebody, ruin them. Sabotage them. If you have to, kill them!" Mom said taking another drag of her cigarette. "Ignar, where the hell is my drink?" She yelled.

Meanwhile across town, the Planet Express employees all sat in their familiar and respected seats at the conference table. Fry was just finishing up a story.

"And that's how I got rid of those mushrooms that were growing in my shower. Who would have thought that cleaning the shower was the answer all along?" Fry concluded.

"That is without a doubt, the most hideous and grotesque story I have ever heard mon, even worse than dis fan fiction I read last night called Agony in Pink!" Hermes commented.

"Wow, you read the entire thing? I had nightmares just reading the first 4 paragraphs!" The Bending bot remarked, shuddering.

"Agony in Pink?" Amy asked looking at her pink sweat suit.

"I'm telling ya, don't look for it. It's awful!" Hermes went on.

"I'm goggling it later then!" Amy replied.

"Fools. I am a robot, and it caused me emotional trauma!" Bender dramatically screamed. "Damn you Dark Ranger, damn you!"

Everyone was silent when the 160 year old plus Professor walked, more like hobbled into the room. They watched for approximately 5 minutes before he reached the table.

"Good news everyone! Today we have a delivery to Uranus!" The Professor said with delight.

"I'm not sure if I like the sound of this one!" Fry gasped.

"Speaking of Uranus, Fry, your mandatory company prostate exam is tomorrow!" Zoidberg said seriously.

"That isn't until I'm 40!" Fry said.

"Actually, Planet Express regulations state it's anally, I mean annually mon." Hermes stated in his Jamaican accent.

Fry began to sulk; he folded his arms on the desk and hid his face in between them. Everyone looked at him for a second, and continued on.

"Yes, yes Zoidberg. Thanks for sharing that. Now, you will be delivering a crate of toilet paper to the Uranus, Ukrainians…..oh you get the point." The Professor went on.

"Its hard to believe the people of Uranus has yet to master the concept of the 3 sea shells." Leela remarked. "Fry, how are you coming along with those by the way?"

There wasn't an answer from Fry, who was still crying about the exam Zoidberg would be administering the next day. He started to ram his head into the desk and ask why.

Finally Leela, Bender and Fry boarded the ship. Leela began to plan a course, it wasn't much of a deal since they weren't leaving the solar system, it was the 21st Century equivalent of going around the block twice. Leela looked at her delivery boy who still seemed in utter shock and disbelief.

"Fry would you like to commence the count down?" Leela asked politely.

"Oh oh, I want to, can I, Leela, hey Leela!" Bender began to scream flailing his arms around like a child in elementary school that knows the answer.

"No. Bender, I asked Fry, it's not your turn." Leela went on like a Kindergarten teacher.

"No far! Fry can't even count past 10!" Bender said turning back to his counsel. "Stupid Fry always gets to do the count down. I'll make my own count down, with black jack…..and hookers!"

Fry still sat silently.

"I know somebody that wants to stop for ice cream! Hmm who is it?" Leela asked. "Is it the ship? No, it's not the ship. Is it the A.I.? No it's not the A.I.! Who is it Fry?" Leela began to speak like a mother to her toddler.

"Oh oh, I know, it's me!" Fry replied. "Right?"

Leela nodded. Soon they were on their way through the solar system toward their destination. Leela glanced over to Fry who sat at the navigation consol. It really wasn't necessary since the Auto Pilot was running, but it kept Fry occupied. The blinking lights and pretty colors kept his attention rather well. Bender was in the quarters assigned for him and his buddy laying in one of the hammocks. He let out a sinister laugh and pulled an extension cord out of his chest cavity and plugged it into an electrical socket. A violent shock emitted.

"Oh, that's good stuff." Bender replied.

The red light on the intercom mounted on the ceiling of the room began to glow.

"Bender! Do you need to go back to those substance abuse courses?" Leela asked her tone annoyed.

"What? You know I wouldn't do that, I beat my addiction. How dare you throw such slanderous words! Lies!" Bender ranted on.

Leela sighed from her seat at the helm. It was obvious he was shocking himself, their was a slight decrease on power displayed on the monitor. Suddenly the hull of the ship shook violently the sound of metal on metal rumbled through the exterior. The ships claxon sounded.

Fry who was napping, remembered that sound from Star Trek. It was a bad sound! The ship was under attack!

"Leela what the hell is going on?" Fry panicked.

"No time, get up in the laser dome and start blasting!" Leela yelled over the claxon.

Fry climbed up the ladder, it was a challenge since the whole ship was shaking left and right. He activated the laser and waited for a target to travel into his line of sight. A small fighter sized vessel came into sight; he guided the turret towards it and let a rapid burst of fire toward it. He tipped the tail of the vessel and it spiraled out of control wildly. He didn't recognize the make or anything that would verify who it belonged to, not that he was an expert on such a thing. He rotated the turret around 360 degrees to scan the horizon for more hostile vessels. He saw 2 more ships heading towards them at break neck speed.

Walt called his youngest brother, Ignar over the radio on an alternate frequency.

"Ignar you moron! Let me show you how it's done!" He replied.

Walt expertly handled the controls of his ship, and dodged the blasts gracefully. Fry couldn't get a lock on him. He started to head for the underbelly of the lime green ship and returned fire.

_Damn it! He is right under us! _Leela said keeping her single eye on the radar display on her consol. She began to perform every evasive maneuver she had read in the ships manual a few years back, but to no avail. The craft was sticking to her like white on rice.

Walt let off another barrage of laser fire and the bottom of the ship ignited like a flare in the darkness of space. Larry had joined the battle too and blasted at the lightly armed vessel, dodging the poorly placed shots from the laser turret.

"There coming in too fast!" Fry cried.

Walt began to order his two brothers back, when a ship that had been tumbling violently around collided with him.

"Der, sorry Walt." Ignar apologized.

Walt pushed a button next to the joystick of his own craft and watched in amusement over his view screen as a robotic hand started to slap Ignar endlessly. The 3 craft left as quickly as they had appeared before their sneak attack.

Leela looked over her instrument panel. The shields were operating at 9. Cocktail olives were low. The New New York Giants had lost Super Bowl MMMXXX to the Cleveland Browns.

"Wow, the instruments are acting funny, Cleveland in the Super Bowl? Not in this millennium!" Leela exclaimed.

She checked the radar one last time and told Fry to come back down, their were no hostilities in sight. Bender had decided to join his comrades on the ships deck as well, he was nearly out of olives to make martinis.

"So Leela, what are we doing now?" Fry asked, hands in his pockets.

"Well, the diagnostic said that our shields are almost totally depleted, we are almost out of olives in the ship's bar, and the Super Bowl winner picking machine is on the fritz as well." Leela explained.

"Oh you're God! The Super Bowl winner picking machine? Those monsters!" Bender shook his iron fist in the air.

"I know Bender; not having such a vital device operational has forced me to turn the ship around to Earth. Hermes is going to be pissed, that's for sure. I hate to say it, but we failed an easy mission. Cant be good for business." Leela went on.

An hour later the ship had been docked in its resting place in the docking bay, and Amy Wong was underneath the ship welding without a welding mask. She looked directly into the arc and went blind temporarily and fell off of her ladder. Hermes watched with dissatisfaction.

"Those Ukrainians or whatever the hell they call themselves did the unthinkable! They send me an angry E-mail. Do you know the significance of this! Screw up's like dis could put us out of business!" Hermes turned around and addressed the crew. "Luckily, we have another delivery. Please don't screw this one up."

"But Hermes the ship is busted!" Fry replied.

"I know you moron. This package needs to be delivered to I.C. Weiner in central park. You can walk there mon!" Hermes explained.

" I.C. Weiner? Doesn't that sound like a fake name?" Fry asked.

" Fry, we don't have time for your 20th century jokes, mon. Just don't screw up delivering this package. After all you are a delivery boy." Hermes handed him the package.

Fry walked alone carrying the small package. Since this delivery was local, and not interstellar it was his job since his job was the delivery boy. He whistled walking on sunshine and continued on his walk to Central Park.

Walt and his 2 brothers hid behind a tree and watched the dim witted delivery boy wander into the park, whistling some stupid tune from the Middle Ages.

"What an idiot... there are more words other than I'm walking on sunshine!" Walt hissed.

The 3 brothers watched as Fry entered the park and stopped. Fry looked down at the address on the package.

"I.C. Weiner?" Fry called out loudly.

Ignar, dressed in disguise began to laugh into his hand. Walt sighed and shoved his not to bright brother out into the open.

"Der, I'm I.C. Weiner!" Ignar went on.

"Wow, I thought this was going to be some kind of prank. The last I.C. Weiner I had a delivery for was actually a small alien that had me cryogenically frozen! Are you related?" Fry asked in astonishment.

Ignar took the package and started to open it. Fry stood their stupidly as always and watched to see what the package for I.C. Weiner contained. The man who claimed to be I.C. Weiner pulled out a single glove.

"Just one glove? In the middle of the summer?" Fry asked, scratching his head.

Ignar pulled off his disguise, a pair of glasses and a mustache and slapped Fry with the glove and ran off into the park, Fry watched as Walt and Larry ran off as well laughing the entire way.

"Well that was relatively annoying, I.C. Weiner sure is going to be sad he got his glove stolen. Why do I feel those momma's boys are up to no good?" Fry concluded and headed back toward Planet Express.

To be continued…. Da da da!


	2. Chapter 2

Fry walked back into the Planet Express building. There was a man dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans fiddling with some rubber hoses that where exposed from the bottom of the Planet Express ship. Professor Farnsworth stood watching him.

"Who the hell is that?" Fry asked Professor Farnsworth.

"He is here to fix the butane lines, Fry." The aging Professor explained.

"Now hold on a minute!" The man answered in a thick Texan accent. "Mister, my name is Hank Hill, I sell propane and propane accessories! Butane? That's a bastard gas!" The man said re adjusting his glasses.

"Exactly, Mr. Hill, it was a joke!" The Professor laughed.

"Heh heh. I tell ya what, you sure are a funny guy, but Propane isn't a laughing matter, Professor. Did you know that 9 out of 10 propane emergencies could be avoided?" Hank began to explain.

"My no, do go on!" The Professor replied astounded.

Fry rolled his eyes and walked out of the docking bay and into the break room. Leela and Amy were in watching the TV.

"_Next week on Guiding Sun, Travis finds out that Zordnack has a secret!_

"_Travis, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm , I'm in "_

" _What, Zordnack, what is it? Tell me!" _

" _I'm in love with Calculon!"_

"_Tune in next week as guest star Calculon battles Travis to the death!"_

Leela saw Fry walk into the room and changed the channel. She liked to seem more intelligent than the average Cyclops woman, that watched soap operas.

"Did you meet Mr. Hill, Fry?" Amy giggled.

"Yes, he sure knows his gases." Fry replied.

"Think I should ask him out Leela?" Amy asked.

"A guy like that? What do you think he has a weird child and is married to a know it all substitute teacher? Go for it!" Leela replied.

A few hours, and one Hank Hill rejection despite Amy's best efforts later, the day was over. Fry and Bender walked home, rush hour transit tube traffic in New New York took forever to figure itself out.

"Bender, can I ask you something?" Fry asked.

"Talk is cheap my friend. So cheap in fact I won't charge you this time!" Bender replied.

"Gee thanks, I was 50bucks in the hole when I asked you what time it was last week. Anyway do you have the funny feeling that somebody is trying to knock us out of business?" Fry asked.

"Gee let me think…..nope." Bender assured his friend.

"I don't know but I swear somebody is making us go on false deliveries and trying to kill us, demoralize us, and maybe even humiliate us!" Fry went on.

"You meat bags and your conspiracies. How about we grab a few brews on you?" Bender replied.

The cheapskate robot and his friend walked into one of the many bar and grills that dotted the city. They found their way to a booth and waited for a server. Fry still couldn't shake the feeling that somebody was out to get the Planet Express employees.

"Welcome to Moe's the greatest chain of family restaurants since 1989!" A strangely dressed server welcomed them.

The waiter was wearing a grey double breasted chauffeur suit with an apron causally tossed over it. Fry didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Hmm. I'll take the buggalo ribs and a Lebrou." Fry ordered.

"I'll take two fried chickens, a coke, and dry toast." Bender ordered.

The waiter who looked a lot like Mom's son Larry jotted down the orders and left. Bender gave a gaze toward the odd and familiar looking waiter but dismissed it. Instead he light one of his seemingly endless cheap cigars with a Zippo lighter with the letters BBR engraved in it.

"Something didn't seem right about that waiter. I don't think he washed his hands." Fry said.

Bender ignored him and blew rings of smoke from his cigar. The human fear of germs meant nothing to him. He was a robot, no need for feelings, pain or hunger……even though he enjoyed ordering food at restaurants because he found it cool. The waiter returned with their order and left. He ducked behind the bar and waited for the two to eat their food. The bartender, who looked a lot like Walt, only with a fake mustache pretended to wipe a mug waiting for the delivery boy to taste his food, he put a bottle of owl poison into his pocket.

There was a loud crash as Ignar, posing as the bus boy crashed into Fry and Bender's table knocking their entire meal to the floor, along with all of the other dishes he was carrying.

"Der, sorry sir!" Ignar apologized.

"Hey, you're the guy from the park! Bender lets get the hell out of here!" Fry screamed, shoving the mildly retarded Ignar out of the way. Bender followed after his friend, his loud footsteps cluttering along.

Bender caught up with Fry who had slowed down, stopping to take a break. Years on ingesting Slurm and other horrible foods had worn him down to an out of shape weakling.

"Fry, the idea of dine and ditch is to eat the food and run!" Bender explained.

"I invented dine in ditch, Bender. But that's another story. Those were Mom's sons they are up to something, I swear to the Space Pope himself, they are trying to unfold some master plan!" Fry explained. The two had begun their trip back to Robot Arms Apartments.

Ignar, Walt and Larry stood before their mothers imposing desk. The old lady walked into her office and took off her fat suit. "Damn that thing is itchy. How did we do today you ignorant pieces of squirrel crap?" She sat at her desk.

"Well we almost took out their ship in space ma, but Ignar screwed up. Then we tried to screw with the delivery boys head by doing something pointless and dumb with no intention to accomplish anything. And then Ignar screwed up the poisoned food plan." Walt explained to his mother.

"Ignar, that's 5 minutes time out, into the corner with you!" Mom ordered.

Ignar hung his head low and walked into the corner of the huge office and stood there facing the wall. He was accustomed to the punishment.

"So Farnsworth and his crew want to play hard ball, eh?" Mom began to speak again; her evil voice filled the office and echoed like a beast in a cave. "The delivery boy is obvious some kind of genius."

Meanwhile Fry was attempting to set the time on his alarm clock and began throwing it around the room similar to a chimpanzee trying to understand calculus. He jumped up and down on his bed making caveman like grunts.

Mom continued to speak. "Let's see if we can try the stupid ones."


	3. Chapter 3

Leela woke up to the sound of somebody knocking on her door. It was late, and hell have no fury like an angry, sleep deprived Cyclops. She put on a light purple colored rob and answered the door.

"Bender if this is one of your lame schemes to mail a nude picture of me to Teenage Mutant Play Boy, I'm going to kill you!"

There was no answer from the familiar robot, she struggled to find the button to open the door to her modest, furniture lacking apartment. The door opened with a hiss.

"What do you want?" Leela yawned.

"Turranga Leela?" A dark figure asked.

Leela was still drowsy from being so rudely awaken this late and began to yawn again. She rubbed her single eye.

"Yes, I'm Turranga Leela. Who the hell are you?" She began to get her familiar rude personality back.

"Nobody." The dark figure announced. He snapped his finger and two more men crept out of the shadows of the hallway outside of her apartment.

The 3 men burst through her front door, knocking her to the floor and began to rummage her apartment.

"Gee, Walt. She really doesn't have anything to break."

"You moron, don't use my real name!" Walt whispered.

Leela got to her feet and turned on the lights and recognized the trio of bumbling brothers.

"What do you 3 stooges want?" Leela yelled.

Ignar knocked over a vase that was on Leela's coffee table. Walt snapped his fingers once again and the two brothers headed out of the door.

"Let that be a lesson to you. Stay out of Mom Corp's way!" Walt warned.

"You come into my apartment at 4am and knock over a plastic vase to intimidate me? Get the hell out of here, or I will make you." Leela replied.

Leela decided on taking back the warning and kicked Walt in his face and watched him tumble out of the front door. She dusted her hands off and returned to bed.

The next morning the clumsy, naïve intern walked into the Professor's laboratory wrecked. Nothing appeared to be missing. She saw the Professor lying silent and ran to him. Thankfully he was just sleeping he would live at least another few seconds. The Martian girl gently shook him.

"Duh, what? Where am I?" The Professor asked surprised.

"Gluh, Professor you're in the lab. What happened in here, it's completely destroyed!" Amy helped him to his feet.

"My lab. Oh the humanity. I know who did this! Zoidberg!" The Professor yelled.

The lonely lobster scuttled in the room, his mouth tentacles shaking like trees in the wind. His blue eyes lit up with pure joy, somebody had called for him.

"You dim wit, you destroyed my lab! Zoidberg your fired!" The Professor shouted.

"Awwwwwwww. Looks like I'll have to beg for my old job back at the Apollo, I will." The sad lonely lobster scuttled out.

Everyone gathered around the conference table and watched Dr. Zoidberg walk out with a cardboard box of his belongings. He gave one last look of pity and walked out of the building.

"In today's world, a doctor of my endless credentials will have to beat the job offers away with a stick, I will!" Zoidberg glared at the Planet Express building and walked off his sandaled feet clacking all the way.

That thing referred to as a brain started to feel hurty inside of Phillip J. Fry's head. This occurred only in 3 instances. First, he had drank to much alcohol and was about to pass out. 2 he had suffered severe head trauma but thankfully his lack of a delta brain wave wouldn't allow him to pass out, simply have a small stinging sensation. And 3rd, and the most rare of cases, he had a thought.

"How do you know Zoidberg busted up your lab? I have a funny feeling about this." Fry asked.

"That blasted sea urchin has destroyed more things with those claws of his then lives he has ended in open heart surgery." The Professor went on.

"Call me stupid, but I think somebody is trying to tear this company apart." Fry theorized.

"Fry, you're stupid, mon." Hermes muttered.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, thanks!" Fry thanked the Jamaican bureaucrat.

_Tell them about the 3 idiots that tried to wreck your apartment! Come on Leela do it!_ Fry's eyes seemed to beg Leela. She stopped looking in his direction and began tapping a pencil she took notes with. She took another glimpse and the same look was still in his sad eyes.

"I'm just an intern and everything, but shouldn't you have checked the security videos before making an assumption Professor?" Amy asked.

"Good news Amy! You're fired!" The Professor yelled from his seat at the head of the table.

The blocky haired Asian girl ran out of the conference room crying hysterically. Fry looked towards the locker room as he heard Amy begin to throw her belongings into an expensive purse; she had begun swearing in Cantonese now.

"Anyone else care to share their opinion?" The Professor said, slamming his frail hands onto the conference table, the sound of bones snapping emitted from them.

The remaining employees jumped out of their chairs and stood at attention, like soldiers during an inspection. Bender even saluted. The Professor got out of his chair and walked around them like a general taking command of a new unit.

"Professor, umm, can I go to the bathroom?" Fry asked.

The ancient man stood eye to eye with Fry. The delivery boy couldn't see his eyes through the dense lenses of his glasses. The Professor let out a snort of dissatisfaction. Fry felt that somehow this wasn't his great X 40 nephew.

"Its time this company really makes some changes! Leela I want that ship at 100 operating capabilities by closing time today! You are a poor space captain, now redeem yourself or you can have a reunion in the gutter with that smelly lobster and that moron Amy! Get these pieces of crap in line!" The Professor began to go on a tirade.

After he was finished he stormed out of the room toward his laboratory to clean up the mess and repair the damage to his beloved inventions. Leela looked at Hermes nervously.

"You heard the mon. Now get to work" Hermes ordered.

Mom sat at her desk turning off the switch on a device with a remote control to it. She gazed at Professor Farnsworth who was tied up in a chair adjacent to her desk.

"Its the newest in cyborg engineering made it in your likely hood, are you pleased? The evil business woman asked.

"Tell it I don't like it, and I hate it!" The Professor childishly pouted. " He is a pooh pooh head!"

Leela took a sip of water from her water bottle and watched as Fry and Bender continued to clean any sign of space dust, make sure every single bolt was tightened and any other problems she could think of.

"This job sucks noodles; I don't come here to do any actual work! What do you think I am some kind of robot?" Bender asked in an annoyed tone.

"The answers are yes it does, and yes you are." Leela tossed the empty plastic bottle into the recycle bin.

She had been doing the hardest job of all, making sure Bender and Fry were actually doing their job, and not breaking, stealing or God knows what else.

"I'm going to start my own interstellar delivery company! With black jack and hookers!" Bender waved his hands in anger.

"Well you can start after you put another coat of wax on the ship. Fry get your head out of that bucket!"

Fry began to pull and pull at the metal bucket. Leela sighed, this was the 20th time she had to help him remove the bucket from his head, and it was kind of getting annoying she watched disgusted as he ran into a wall, his arms waving wildly. Bender did nothing more than shoot the hose at Fry, laughing sinisterly.

The "Professor" walked into the docking bay to check on the progress of his crew. He walked around the ship looking for any sign of imperfection; Leela caught up to him and stood by his side.

"And what do we have here? What the hell is this?" The Professor asked angrily.

The Professor was pointing to a tiny, almost invisible chip in the paint of the large ship. Leela couldn't believe how attentive to detail the Professor was being, he was acting worse than a machine.

"It's just a chip in the paint Professor; I'll get on it right away!" Leela began to type something on her wrist a ma jig, and began to spray the little area with a mist of lime paint.

The Professor crossed his arms and shot her a glance. His face showed no sign of emotion. "Leela, I am demoting you. You are now the delivery boy. Fry will be acting captain until I see fit that you're able to resume command of this ship!"

"Oh why, why! Just fire me! Anything but that!" Leela dropped to her knees and cried.

The "Professor" shook his head from left to right, this meant NO almost universally, unless you live in Singapore where it just happens to be YES. (Don't ask me, my 9th grade government teacher told me this)

Leela grit her brilliant white teeth and squinted her eye.

"I quit!" Leela announced.

Fry and Bender gasped. Without Leela this place was sure to hit rock bottom. The turned to the imposter Professor, maybe he was bluffing, and it was all some kind of senile old man joke.

"Ohhh, like I care. Clean out your locker, and give Hermes the keys back to the ship. Also, turn in all of your stationary as well!" The imposter Farnsworth demanded.

Bender lied, and said he would finish the rest of the work that needed to be tended to on the ship. Instead he sat lazily in the cockpit watching a saucey puppet show on the ship's view screen. Fry sat on the bench in the Planet Express locker room watching the female Cyclops pack her bag.

"Leela, please don't quit. I'll never make it, we both know this!" Fry pleaded.

"Fry, I wasn't suppose to be a space captain. I'm going to try to go back to Applied Cryogenics, maybe they'll let me back if I beg. Allowing you to go free into the world without your career assignment chip was already a huge mistake. I can't believe I was so dumb!" Leela said slamming a few personal effects into a box.

"Well maybe it was a mistake. But remember this, I think that was the nicest and most heartfelt anyone has ever done for me. Except that one time Mr. Pannuci at my old job let me take the day off since I hit my head and went into a month long coma, but that's another story." Fry babbled on.

Leela slammed the door to her locker and pulled off the name plate with her name engraved into it. She glanced at it and took in her reflection. With a sigh she turned around and faced Fry.

"You've been a good friend. I had my doubts, but you're a nice person Phillip. Here, something to remember me by." Leela handed Fry the copper name plate from her now empty locker.

Fry couldn't find anymore words and was left baffled. He watched as his friend, and love left the locker room. Leela waved to Bender who was still in the ship enjoying his saucey puppet show. The robot returned the wave, pretending he didn't care she was leaving either way. Fry ran to the window overlooking the front entrance and watched as she calmly walked out. She stopped once she got outside of the building and the two made eye contact for one final time.

The real Professor shook his chair violently. Even in his prime he wouldn't have been able to break the diamond tether rope Mom's 3 sons tied him up with.

"You evil hussy! Your ruining my company!" The Professor growled through his false teeth.

"That's business, survival of the fittest!" Mom said, filing her nails.

"Ha. Darwinism was proved false when Scientology became the dominant religion when Tom Cruise became God." The Professor retorted.

" I don't believe in Tom Cruise!" Mom slammed her file into the desk.

The Professor gulped and surrendered the argument. He knew it was over, his company was now almost completely destroyed, unless his Uncle could some how be a licensed ship pilot.

"Woohooo! Only 200 tries!" Fry cheered himself from the front of a computer screen. The test was so simple a chimp could pass it with its eyes closed, for Fry to get it in such a record time was nothing less than amazing.


	4. Chapter 4

Out in the great vastness of the universe a heavy set man dressed in a brown uniform suddenly awoke from his slumber. He had fallen asleep in a recliner watching a sporting event known only to the inhabitants to his planet.

"Hmm, a disturbance in the delivery force." He grumbled to himself.

He got up out of his chair and brushed off chips and other unhealthy snack food. He went to his computer and ordered something from the almighty Internet. He choose to have it delivered over night, by Planet Express. Gazing over his order, he returned to his recliner and resumed watching the rest of his televised sporting event.

The Professor interrupted Fry and Bender's lunch in the break room, carrying a small package. He shot a glare to the new captain who dropped an apple he had been munching on.

"Good news, everyone. Ah, screw it. Deliver this package to ah, the hell with it." The imposter Professor tossed the package on the lunch table and walked off.

"Emotions. One minute your happy the next you're a a kill-bot in disguise!" Bender suggested.

Fry nodded and picked up the small package and put it into his pocket. He nodded to Bender who got up and they both made their way slowly to the ship. He got behind the unfamiliar controls of the vessel and began to turn the key. The engine sounded like a car stalling on a cold winter day.

"Try jingling the keys back and forth!" Bender exclaimed.

The ship roared to life, and soon hovered out of the docking bay and toward the stars. Nervously, Fry placed the copper placard on the control panel and looked at the name scrawled out in capital letters: LEELA. He sighed and headed toward the coordinates of the unknown planet.

"Fry, uh, I think we're going in reverse!" Bender advised.

The dimwitted pilot pushed the shifter from R to D and soon the ship began to rocket toward its destination.

"This piloting thing is pretty easy!" Fry screamed over the sound of the powerful dark matter engines.

"YOU JUST RAN THAT STOP SIGN YOU MORON, PAY ATTENTION TO THE GALAXY!" Bender yelled frantically.

"Opps!" Fry followed with a moronic giggle of stupidity.

Every sensor and circuit that controlled Bender warned him that this was certain death letting Fry fly the ship into outer space. He turned his swivel chair away from Fry and pulled out Lucy Liu's head.

"Just in case we don't make it, I love you!" Bender whispered to the head in a jar.

Before the once popular actress had a chance to speak he crammed the jar back into his chest cavity and slammed the door shut on it. After awhile, Fry had gotten more familiar with the controls of the ship and they maintained a steady course to the planet they were delivering the package too.

Bender held it in his hand and wondered what it was. For a small package there was certainly a lot of fuss over it. It was roughly the size of a blernsball, or baseball if you want to go 20th century about it. What was the point of having it delivered so rapidly, and why Planet Express, who usually dealt with expensive or dangerous cargo, so if they busted something there was a chance of a law suit, or if worse came to worse, a bunch of rejects amongst society would die, nobody important?

Fry engaged the auto pilot, and left to use the facilities. Bender rotated his head around to make sure he had left the bridge and opened his chest plate and pulled out a bottle of vodka and some cocktail olives.

"Ready for round two, you crazy son of a bitch?" Bender asked the auto pilot.

A computerized, yet native Irish voice began to rumble. "Aye, ye dirty sonofa whore."

Bender poured the drinks and soon the 2nd round of the drinking contest began. Roughly a space hour passed, and the two were hammered, even though Bender was alcohol fueled, cocktail olives somehow disrupted his central processing unit, a little known fact on alcohol powered robots and spaceship autopilots.

"What the hell is going on here?" Fry demanded looking at the drunken Bending bot. "You promised I could get drunk and party with you guys!"

"Huh? Oh, Fry you dirty meat sack. We're not as think as you drunk we are!" Bender said in very slurred speech followed with a hiccup.

"You know what the law is about drinking and piloting a star ship! Its illegal from 9am to 9pm!" Fry snatched the bottle of vodka from Bender and took a sip.

Another hour later the two machines and Fry were hammered into oblivion. Fry had somehow managed to grow a 5 oclock shadow faster than the speed of light, and had a lamp shade on his head. Bender had puked up robot oil all over the navigation system and the ship was on a collision course with the planet the delivery was destined too. The auto pilot was going through its drunken version of Row your Boat when the ship's A.I., or Bender's ex girlfriend began to alert the intoxicated crew.

"Colission in T minus 5 minutes."

"Quit your yappin woman!" The Auto pilot said angrily in its thick Irish accent.

A small robotic arm chucked an empty bottle of beer toward the growing red eye in the rear of the cockpit. Fry stumbled to the helm and pushed a series of buttons.

"Increasing speed to warp factor G! G is a number right?" Fry asked.

The Bending bot simply shrugged. The A.I. on the other hand had some useful information.

"Collision in T minus 2 seconds!" It screamed.

Before Fry could consider what was going on the ship violently plowed into a densely vegetated thicket in a planet of densely vegetated thickets. He took off the lamp shade that still rested on his head and set it down.

"Woohoo, mission accomplished!" Fry announced.

Every consol on board the Planet Express ship began to spark and smoke filled the cockpit. The A.I. and the Auto Pilot, both shut down.

"Light weights!" Bender screamed.

The duo of what was left of the Planet Express delivery company walked out into the wilderness of the planet. A figure in a rob approached them with a small wooden cane. The small figure must have only been 3 feet tall.

"Ah. A delivery of a package have you." It said in an eerie voice.

"Yoda?" Fry asked the small figure.

Another figure appeared and slapped the smaller figure who dashed off into the nearby forest. The new figure appeared to be a 20th century deliveryman clad in a brown uniform. He seemed somewhat over weight, and jolly.

"Don't mind him. He is from some planet where they speak in confusing English. I'm Doug Heffernan, the King of Queens." He announced shaking Fry's hand.

"Wow, that was a TV show when I was around in the 20th century, you even look like Kevin James!" Fry marveled, he then realized he was speaking to royalty and went to his knee. "I mean, you look like him, your majesty."

On the journey to the king's palace, he had told them the ironic tale of how he came to be. The year had been 2950, UPS, FedEX and a few more groups of delivery companies united as one. The whole planet became so reliant on the single company, it was soon being ran and governed by it. The new governing body began a top secret project, Project Project, the most classified project in the history of Earth. The goal was to create the best delivery boy possible, using the knowledge and DNA of all of the delivery boys throughout history, a look alike of Kevin James was created. In honor of the CBS show the scientists named him Doug Heffernan. They downloaded the personality of him into the organism and soon he became the chosen one of delivery boyism. However, all was not well in the delivery universe, an outsider had begun fighting them. A woman called Mom, had started a business monopoly first with robots, then with a few other side projects that led up to a delivery company. The governing body was over thrown and forced to seek refuge throughout the galaxy, until a chosen one, a delivery boy with the power to restore order in the business of parcel delivery was found.

"Wow, so you think I'm the delivery boy that can save the universe?" Fry asked.

"Actually, anybody could do it, but since my pre programmed emotions and personality make me a lazy fat guy who watches TV all day, I picked you." Doug announced.

"Still good. Now do I get a light saber or like mind powers?" Fry asked.

"What do you think this is, some sort of Sci-Fi story?" The king replied.

"You already have a mind power, your brain is less intelligent than a dead raccoon!" Bender reminded Fry.

"Interesting. No Fry, you will have to dedicate one week to the training required by a true delivery boy, only then will you be ready to deliver packages and other redundant items to people who are to lazy to pick it up themselves. Are you ready?" Doug asked.

"I've been a delivery boy for over 1,000 years I think so!" Fry snorted.

He handed Doug the package they had came the whole way to prove his point. Doug slapped Fry in the face.

"Over night delivery means 24 hours or less! You got here in 24 hours and 5 seconds. What if this was an important package?" Doug began to yell.

Fry and Bender were taken to their quarters for the evening, the training would resume in the morning. The red headed youth rubbed his hand over the stinging on his face. Bender past helped pass the time by pulling out a deck of cards, and the two began a "friendly" game of poker.

Fry, down $300, a red jacket and an IOU of one human kidney wondered about Planet Express, and why the Professor was acting so weird. After Bender had decided Fry was totally out of anything valuable to fork over walked into the closet for the night. Fry sat on the edge of his bed wondering how all of his other friends where making out, and more than the others Leela. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling thinking about her.


	5. Chapter 5

Leela laid in her bed and looked up at her ceiling all the way back on Earth. She had managed to get her old job back, her knees ached from the begging and crawling for it though, she drew the line at jumping through flaming hoops though. She also wondered how Fry and Bender were making out at Planet Express, ever since the Professor had "snapped" he wasn't the most stable person to begin with, now he was Hitler's head attached to a great white shark with laser blasters mounted to his fins. She gazed at Nibbler who was sound asleep at the foot of the bed and soon closed her single eye to rest for the night.

Across town, The Professor sat still tied to his chair. Everyone at Mom's building had went home for the day, somehow he had been forgotten throughout the mix. His snores where the only sound other than the noises of the small janitorial robots that cleaned the halls. Even further away, Dr. Zoidberg lay in the dumpster beside the Planet Express building looking up at the night sky. The false Professor opened a window and emptied a can of trash on the smelly red lobster.

"Whats this? A chewed wad of bubble gum!" The doctor snatched it up and began chewing it. "Ha ha, irony at its best. My richest days come from not working!"

Dawn amazingly came to both planets at the same time. Fry awoke to the burning sensation that was stinging his eyes. The smell of cooking flesh began to tingle in his nostrils, and he thought of bacon. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a metallic figure up to no good, as usual.

"Bender what the hell are you doing?" He screamed in fear.

"Relax chump, I figured out how I can get Leela to like you better and make a few bucks off a stupid one eyed pirate!" Bender explained, taking a hand held laser scalpel away from Fry's eyelid.

"No thanks, I don't really think a pirate would like my eye, its not made of wood." Fry pushed Bender away.

Disgusted Bender through the still activated device into his chest plate. His entire torso began to glow red. He didn't seem to notice at first, but the pain shot through every receptacal in his entire metal body.

"Ahh! It burns it burns!" The Robot ran around the room." Its worse than the time I got robo herpes!"

Suddenly Doug burst into the dark room and turned the light on. He had a metal trashcan in his hand and was banging it with a stick. Fry rolled out of bed and hit the floor with a thud.

"What, whats going on?" He murmered

"5 mile run. Move it, move it!" Doug began to command like a Drill Sergeant.

Fry found himself running in the cool morning. His breath came out in huffs and puffs. Bender and Doug road behind in a golf cart.

"What….the heck does….this have to do with delivering packages?" Fry asked between breaths.

"Everything! A good delivery boy keeps himself in shape!" Doug screamed.

Bender opened up his chest plate and started to whip Fry with a whip he had stolen from the time he was a pharoh and began to whip him in his back.

"Move it, you disgusting fat body!" Bender began to scream.

After 4 more agonizing miles, Fry was now doing pull ups. Doug stood underneath him and was counting them off for Fry.

"One for the core, One for the commandant, One for the parcel delivery system." He growled after each one.

Fry's weak arms couldn't handle anymore he dropped from the bar. Doug walked over and slapped him in the back of the head.

"You disgust me! I will motivate you! You aren't worthy to be a delivery boy!" He continued to beat on the helpless lump that was Fry.

Finally the physical conditioning for the day had ended. Fry was especially thankful for this fact. He rubbed his sore arms as Doug had taken a position up front of a chalk board. He was drawing some kind of diagram. There were four houses an a stick man with a red squiggly line coming out of his head.

"Who's that suppose to be?" Fry asked.

"Well, well. What do we have hear a comedian? Drop and give me 50!" Doug growled.

With a sigh Fry dropped to the floor and started to do pushups. He couldn't even do one he was so sore from that morning.

"You have energy to ask dumb questions but you don't have anything to say to dear old Mr. Pushup? You disgust me maggot!"

After 2 weeks more on Doug's intense program, Fry's training was complete. He hadn't been in this good of shape, ever. He was changing into a brown uniform, customary to a 20th century UPS driver, the greatest delivery force of all time.

Doug had gotten the PE ship out of the mud and had it cleaned. He watched as Fry walked up to him. Fry shot a salute and stood at attention.

"Mr. Fry! Congratulations, you have shown me you can be a delivery boy in my beloved core!" He lectured.

"Sir, yes sir!" Fry replied.

"With your superior training you are the chosen one to save the galaxy from Mom's grasp. Do you understand?" Doug began to pace back and forth.

"I'd be lying if I said I understood anything, sir!" Fry replied.

"Good enough. Now remember, above all else, you are now the most powerful one man delivery company in the world. Make me proud!"

With one final salute, Fry boarded the repaired vessel and blasted off into the wild black yonder, that was called space. His eyes remained focused on the instruments of the sleek ship as it blasted towards its homeworld, Earth.

"Think we can handle these guys, Fry?" Bender asked from his consul.

"I don't know, all I do know is that I have no idea what the hell any of that training was suppose to enforce, and that there are 3 incoming bogies at 12oclock." Fry answered.

Bender opened up his chest plate and pulled out a severed hand with a watch still attached to it's wrist. It was 4oclock so he must have been using an archaic term for there were 3 enemies straight ahead. He took the helm and let Fry take his more natural position during an attack, the laser turret.

He attempted to blast the vessel in the center but all 3 reversed direction and increased velocity.

"Ahh. The space invaders maneuver. Ok fine, its Friday night, I have no date." Fry opened a small compartment and pulled out a bottle of orange soda and an old battered walkman. "A liter of Shasta and my all Rush mix tape. This is just like that time on the What If machine! No problem."

He pushed the play button on his ancient tape player and Tom Sawyer by Rush began to fill his ears. Time seemed to slow down the controls became one with his sure hands.

"Damn, he clipped my wing with that one! Reverse direction, increase velocity!" Walt ordered over his radio.

Walt and Larry began to change direction when Ignar didn't understand the command and smacked into Larry who flew directly into Walt.

"Der, sorry" Ignar apologized.

Walt couldn't even speak as he watched the Planet Express ship close in on them. He saw Fry's emotionless stare fade when he realized who the 3 pilots were.

"Hold it Bender. Those are Mom's sons, Moe, Larry and Curely." Fry called down to his best friend.

"The three stooges? Really?" Bender asked. His eyes began to zoom out of his socket for a better look.

Fry began to scan the radio frequencies until he found the same one the 3 craft were operating on. "What the hell do you guys want? You've been following me and toying with me. Give me one good reason I shouldn't blast you guys to the mushroom kingdom!" Fry demanded.

"Well, its simple. We were trying to knock Planet Express out of business. All we have to do is kill you, and well Mom will handle the rest." Walt whimpered, waiting for Fry to blast them.

"Mom has done nothing but created a monopoly of the entire planet. Robots, fast food, cell phones, even delivery. She's like the Virgin company when I was alive in the 20th century. Somebody has to stand up against her!" Fry

"We know, do you know what its like to live under her thumb? Try being her son! We don't really want to kill you, you seem to be a good guy. Please spare us!" Walt pleaded.

Fry took his finger off the trigger and soon Bender maneuvered the ship toward the damaged vessels. He opened the cargo bay and the planet express ship engulfed the smaller ships like a whale eating a smaller fish in the ocean.

Fry waited for the air lock to open once the cargo hold was ready to support breathing again. He watched as the 3 brothers emerged from their ships. Just to be on the safe side Fry brought a laser pistol and aimed it at them.

"There is no need for that, we are unarmed." Walt urged Fry.

"Der, not me!" Ignar dropped a laser weapon of his own onto the metal floor. The clank echoed through the empty cargo hold.

Before Walt could lunge toward the weapon to retaliate against Fry, he watched the weapon explode into nothing. He got back up and stared at Fry who was now holding a smoking laser pistol.

"Now what has Mom done, besides, the Professor is already going nuts last time I was there. He fired everybody except for me and my buddy, Bonder." Said Fry.

"I thought your friend's name was Bender." Larry corrected.

"Shut up, I can say what I want. I got the gun, remember?" Fry replied.

"Der, he does have a good point. We should listen to him." Ignar butted in.

Fry lowered the gun and accidentally pulled the trigger, nearly vaporizing his left foot.


	6. Chapter 6

Fry took the 3 prisoners to the laundry room, which also doubled as the brig during times of crisis. Walt picked up one of Dr. Zoidberg's lab coats.

"You cant leave us in here! Its cruel and unusual punishment! The smell alone of these fowl garments will suffocate us!" Walt cursed Fry, banging on the steel hatch.

Walt's pleads meant nothing to Fry. _Maybe I can use them as bargaining chips. Like that game you play with cards…go fish! Or was it Monopoly? Damn._ The idiotic delivery boy returned to the ship's bridge. Earth was now in view, Bender had continued to pilot the ship during the whole incarceration.

"Why didn't you just kill those slimey humans? I would have!" Bender began.

"Call me stupid, but I think they may come in handy down the road." Fry replied.

"Your stupid, you should have just wasted them. It would have helped me on my mission to destroy all humans, besides you pork sack. I don't condone pet abuse." Bender began to chug a bottle of beer.

Moments later, the ship was perfectly parked in the familiar docking bay of Planet Express. Bender cut the engines and waited for the idiot to come up with any further instructions.

"Well, I guess we get off the ship." Fry hesitated.

"You are truly a genius strategic mind." Bender joked.

The duo made their way down the ramp but were met with a volley of laser fire. They rolled out of the way to find cover.

"Good news everyone, I'm going to kill you!" The imposter Professor howled in delight.

The cyborg began to knock over wooden crates, looking for the bending robot and Fry. He began to grow more irate after every passing second.

"Wow, the Professor still hasn't cooled off. That viagra from Venus must have been industrial strength!" Fry commented.

"Woooooo." Bender chuckled.

The lab coat clad cyborg fired his blaster toward the direction of Bender's sarcastic noise. The crates they were hiding behind were vaporized. Fry and Bender cowardly hug each other.

"Uh, if this makes us look gay, at least we're gonna die!" Bender wailed.

Fry felt something metallic poking him from inside his pocket. He pulled it out, it was the name tag Leela had given him! In an act of pure desperation he threw the metal object as hard as he could at the Professor. It hit him directly between his specs right on the bridge of his nose. Oil soon leaked out.

"Do old guys bleed robot oil?" Fry asked.

The cyborg, now exposed began to emit sparks from his face. It dropped the pistol in an act of confusion.

"Somebody is pending for a bending" Bender rolled up the sleeves on his powerful robotic arms.

He trudged toward the cyborg and smashed the laser pistol with his heavy foot. If there was one thing Bender hated more than humans, it was robots that pretended to be human. He thrust one of his 3 fingered hands directly into the cyborg's head and ripped off all of the artificial skin.

"So you show your true form. Traitor!" Bender screamed and began to pound both of his robotic fists into the machine.

The cyborg began to retaliate back and searched through a few files on martial arts. He stopped and began to load Archian Kung Fu. How fitting to destroy the robot with the same moves as its friend, Leela. With a sharp round house kick to Benders head, it began to pick up more momentum.

"Your obsolete, Bending unit. I don't wish to kill another robotic life form, let me terminate the one known as Phillip J. Fry and my mission is complete." The robotic head attached to an old man's body commanded.

"Sure, go ahead. He's all yours." Bender backed off.

The cyborg spun his head around 360degrees, it stopped in disbelief, Fry was gone! All the cyborg heard next was the word chump as an overwhelming force bent his neck and soon snapped it's head off like a berry being plucked from a bush. Bender sadly dropped the robotic head to the cement floor.

"Obsolete? I'm happy to let you know that I updated to a new version of Bender ware. Would you like to register? NO DAMN IT!" Bender screamed to himself.

Fry crawled out form his hiding space, behind a curtain by a window. He observed the wreckage that had once been a Mom Corp Cyborg. Bender also admired his handy work.

"You wouldn't have really let him go after me and kill me would you? Fry asked somewhat sheepishly.

Bender didn't reply he simply light up another one of his infinite cigars and responded by blowing a wave of smoke into Fry's face. The cancerous smoke made Fry choke and gag. Fry bent down and started to observe the remains of the robot.

"You know, I don't think this was really the Professor, I bet it was some kind of robot." Said Fry.

"Excellent deduction, Sherlock Fry. Tell me, what makes you come to this conclusion.

Bender looked around at all of the oil, wires that had been striped out of the body when he ripped the cyborg's head off and the still twitching body.

"Elementary my dear, Bender, elementary." Fry said holding the cyborg's head in his hands.

He turned the head around and inscribed on the back was: Mom Net T-100 S-10 Extended Cab 4WD. Only Mom Corp made robots and classified them as mid size pick up trucks!

"So this was some kind of hostile take over? Damn, I was hoping we could go on strike!" Bender replied.

Fry dropped the oily metallic skull on the ground and began to wipe off his hands. "Afraid not old buddy, we have to stick a pineapple down Mom's suck hole."

They started to run out of the building but heard some murmuring down the hall. "Wait who's that?" Bender asked.

The busted down a door and saw Hermes bound and gagged behind his desk. Bender knocked the desk out of the way and ripped the ropes apart effortlessly.

"You moron! Oh well, that desk can come out of Zoidberg's pay, once this place is up and running again." Hermes dusted himself off.

"Hermes, what the hell is going on?" Fry asked.

"Well the Professor was acting very oddly as you might recall. Instead of firing me he told me to stop doing paperwork, I refused, so then he tied me up, mon!" Hermes explained.

"That was the Professor, it was some robot. Mom sent it here to ruin us! I bet she has the Professor and his forcing him to sell the company to her!" Fry went on.

"Gee, mon, that is so stupid it may be true. I'll get to the central bueracracy and fill out all the proper forms we will need to acquire the legal means to break into Momcorp, endanger the public and a leaf burning permit!"

Fry and Bender watched as the short pudgy Jamaican limboed out of the room. "Leaf burning permit? Wow he is going all out on this!" Bender replied.

"Quick to the Planet Express ship!" Fry ordered.

"What's the rush bone bucket? It takes 2-3 business days for any kind of forms to go through." Bender grabbed Fry who was about to make a dead sprint.

"What should we do until then?" Fry asked.

"Oh, I have an idea or two in the old CPU." Bender replied following with his trademark sinister laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

Fry and Bender stood up front of Walt, Larry and Ignar who were all tied together in 3 chairs next to the conference table. Bender pulled out an old boom box he had stolen from the New New York Museum of natural history and placed it on the desk.

"What are you going to do torture us?" Walt sneered.

The Bending bot gave his patented evil gaze and hit the play button. "I'm walking on sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves began to fill the room with its uplifting beat. Fry began to sing along with the song in delight.

"NO, anything but that!" Walt pleaded.

"Not until you tell me everything." Bender demanded.

Walt shook his head negetively and Bender shut off the horrible music that Fry had been dancing too." Hey, whadja do that for, it was getting to the best part!"

"Fry why don't you go see if Dr. Zoidberg is home. He is better at torture than anyone I've ever heard of." Bender asked.

Fry exited the building and found the familiar lobster perched atop of his dumpster. His nose began to burn from the fowl stench.

"Fry! My dear friend, what brings you to my humble adobe?" Zoidberg exclaimed.

"Uh Zoidberg this is a dumpster. Anyway we sort of need your assistance upstairs. There are 3 men in dire need of medical treatment!" Fry lied.

Zoidberg jumped from his perch, his sandaled feet clacked on the muddy ground. He reached into a pocket and sucked on a can.

"Tell me, mmm, Fry why should I? Your company fired Zoidberg, they did!" Zoidberg said in between slurps.

"Because Zoidberg, people need your help! You're a doctor!" Fry pleaded.

"My God, Fry your right! As a shell fish of medicine I am obliged to help those in need, I am. Thanks for helping me see the light again my friend!" Zoidberg dropped his can. "To the room with the tables and the scalpels and what not!"

Fry followed the lobster up the stairs and back into the conference room. If Zoidberg could do anything medically related, it was torture a victim to the verge of tears. He referred to his victims as patients however.

"What seems to be the problem gentlemen." Zoidberg began to examine Larry's eyes with a small flashlight.

"We found them and they looked like this!" Bender went on.

Zoidberg began looking at Ignar. "My gosh, this man is suffering from boneitis he is!"

"There's no time, I must amputate now! Get me a bucket of hot water and some peroxide!" He ordered. "I don't want to risk using any drugs to put you under, so I will have to do this cold turkey, I will"

Zoidberg prepared to snip off Ignar's hand but stopped when he started to whimper in fear, Bender pulled his claws away.

"What are you doing robit? This man is on his final breaths!" Zoidberg screamed.

"Start shooting words out of your cramhole or my friend here will turn you into guacamole!" The Hispanic robot ordered.

"Der, well tin man, Mom said if we killed you, she'd take me to Toys R Us!" Ignar tried to explain, his limited mind wasn't enough to convey the information.

"Toys R Us, eh? You shop there too?" Fry asked.

Ignar nodded happily. "Fine, untie the moron. Looks like Fry just made a new best friend." Bender told Zoidberg.

Dr. Zoidberg snipped the ropes that where holding Ignar in place and he got up. "Gee thank you are you Santa Claus?" He asked.

"No, I'm his friend Jesus!" Zoidberg joked with the childish man.

Fry and Ignar walked out of the room, for God only knows why. Bender began his interrogation.

"Ok, now the morons are gone, lets get down to business!" Bender demanded.

Fry and Ignar were playing with action figures while cries and howls of pain filled the room behind the closed doors. They played like 2 innocent children in the school yard. Soon Bender burst through the doors and stomped the action figures into small bits of plastic.

"Hey that was a collectable!" Fry cried.

"Fry, your 1025 years old, aren't you a tad bit old to be playing with dolls?" Bender asked.

"Well, his Mom lets him!" Fry pointed to Ignar.

"Come on, they squealed like Plutonian Pigs! Mom is behind all of this!" Bender said.

"Well yeah Bender, what was the point in torturing them?" Fry asked.

"Because, I wanted to! Now lets go chump!" Bender said running toward the PE ship.

Leela stood at the window of her office, looking at the city. She had gotten her old job back, after hours and hours of begging. It had only been 2 weeks but she missed the more adventurous times she had piloting the Planet Express ship through the galaxy, even the adventure of keeping Bender from stealing everything from her locker. Something caught the attention of her eye. It was the Planet Express ship heading straight for the Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

"Now why would they be going there?" Leela asked herself puzzled.

"Guenther, you'll have to tell me about being the president of Fox later, cover for me!" Leela told the little monkey wearing a black hat.

She poked her head outside of her office, making sure her boss wasn't around. It would look bad to skip out of work, when you were absent for 7 years to begin with. It was a good thing she had saved all of those vacation days. Satisfied she headed toward the elevator. She heard a familiar Hindu voice._ Damn it, he's heading right this way. _

Looking around the empty hallway she duct behind a hospital gurney for some of the unlucky patients that got freezer burn. She watched as his feet walked right by. Now was her chance she sprinted toward the elevator and hit the down button.


	8. Chapter 8

Mom enjoyed the cigarette that was dangling out of her mouth. She had just finished her favorite beverage, a can of cream soda. She dropped the aluminum can on the marble floor and automatically a small janitorial drone entered the room and swept it up.

"You evil harlot, you know that can could be recycled into another can or even a dooms day weapon!" The Professor snorted.

"Oh Hubey, don't think I don't have a heart for the environment. That cyborg was made by old Coke cans, blue whale skin and it was assembled in a sweat shop in India. I am not a monster." Mom replied.

"Oh what a good sumariton you are! Did you ever think about the little guy and his business?" Farnsworth demanded. "This is why Communisim would have worked, damn it!"

A thunderous crash filled the room as the fuselage of the Planet Express ship slammed into the top floor that was devoted to serving as Mom's personal office. When the smoke and dust settled from the smashed concrete wall, the ramp of the planet express ship lowered.

"I thought I had that stupid Cyclops fired!" Mom screamed.

"You don't need to lack depth perception to fly poorly, just a little alcohol and some prescription pills that tell you not to operate heavy machinery!" Fry answered.

Bender followed behind Fry, for dramtics and just in case he needed a human shield had their been armed guards. "Wow this place had class" Bender admired the marble room encrusted with gold and other precious metals.

"You idiots! Boys, Mommy has a chore for you!" Mom began to call into an intercom.

"Forget about it you old hag. Uncle Bender gave them a spanking and sent them to time out." Bender replied. "Hey look, Pinochio!"

Everyone turned away from Bender who put a few golden ashtrays into his chest." My mistake, it was George W. Bush's head."

The support beams holding the building began to creak and moan. The sound of metal bending filled the room. A large chunk of the ceiling crushed Mom's desk, soon the entire building began to tremble.

Fry began to untie the Professor. "Fry you idiot, get out of here, cant you see I'm dying here!" The senile Professor screamed.

Fry tossed the Professor over his sore shoulder like a bag of potatos and began to make a run for the ship. He stopped at the ramp and spun around, the Professor's head slammed against the metal ramp.

"Come on Bender! Lets get the Hell out of here!" Fry called.

"You wouldn't leave me. I may be evil but you'll go to jail for murder!" Mom screamed.

"Good point." Bender grabbed Mom by her head with one hand and dragged her toward the Planet Express ship.

"You cant treat me like this I'm rich!" Mom screamed.

"Oh sorry, let me up grade you to first class!" Bender began to drag her by her hair. "Please stand by for turbulence." He began to pick her up and slam her into the marble floor repeatedly.

Fry guided the ship out of the collapsing building. Mom watched from a porthole on the side of the ship as her entire empire came crashing down literally. Leela had made it a few blocks and stopped dead in her tracks watching the building tumble down into the streets below.

"Oh no! No this cant be happening." She fell to her knees.

She felt a hand grab her shoulder and flinched back startled.

"Its ok Leela. Its me." Hermes comforted her.

"Oh Hermes what the hell is going on? Was Fry, Bender and Professor Farnsworth in that building?" Leela cried, hugging the short pudgey man.

"I'm afraid so, or I got all of these licenses for no damn reason." He said.

Luckily Mom Corp only had 4 human employees Mom and her 3 sons. The rest were all robots and sensed the impending danger and had evacuated the building. Leela ran through the crowd of emotionless robots and began to dig in the rubble. Hermes caught up with her and pulled her back.

"Forget it Leela, it would take years to dig through all dat rock. They're gone." Hermes tried to reason with her.

Leela shoved the green suited man away and continued digging and tossing small pieces or rubble aside. Maybe they were ok, maybe they got into the PE ship and it protected them. Oh please, please she thought.

The citizens of New New York gathered around the rubble. Even after 1000 years they still remembered the horrors of the attacks in the 21st century. Mom Corp wasn't a really loved by the people who really new it inside and out. Some came to the aide of the Cyclops and helped her dig, others stood there wondering why, Mom was bad news and deserved it. She used capitalism to dictate the lives of billions right under their noses.

Hermes once again approached Leela, and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "Leela, please. The city will send help, there is no sense in this, you must move on. Besides, your not even a part of Planet Express anymore, why bother?"

She threw a piece of rubble to the ground and got up and shoved Hermes. "I'll tell you why! Those are our friends Hermes, sure we work together and hate each other but its all we really have!" She fell to her knees and began to cry.

Some of the strangers that were digging stopped and looked at her, the men removed their hats and the others bowed their head in prayer. The sound of a hydraulics broke the silence. Everyone turned around and saw the familiar mint green ship.

Leela turned around and saw the ship had landed about half of a block away. She dried her eye on her black jacket and ran through the crowd toward her former ship. She could already hear the ramp being lowered. She stopped at watch it slowly descend until it hit the asphalt with a loud clank. Soon the passengers emerged, Bender drug Mom by her hair again and she bounced off of every step.

"Thank you for flying Air Bender, we're you can bite my shiny metal ass." He said, tossing Mom onto the street like a rag doll.

Mom got up and dusted herself off. "My dear angels, these men tried to attack dear old Mom, kill them!" She ordered the crowd of robots.

The large group of Robots were programmed to obey Mom's every command, she was their supreme ruler. They turned toward the group and their eyes began to turn a horrible red color.

"Sure we attacked a vile monster. Sure we destroyed her symbol up front of millions. I ask you my fellow robots, computers and last but certainly not least, digital watches, do we dare listen to the dictator anymore?" Bender began to speak, perched on top of a mail box.

The Robots halted to intake the new information the odd Bending bot had put out. Their robotic brains calculated within seconds and their eyes dimmed back to their natural colors.

" I COMMAND YOU TO DESTORY THEM ALL!" Mom screamed.

All of her creations ignored her and turned to Bender, he was their new guide now. "I say she can bite our shiny metal asses, now lets go get drunk! Anarachy!" Bender yelled.

The robots began to go crazy and run around smashing the windows of stores and setting fire to everything in site. All of the humans grabbed one another in fear, as their new supreme ruler stood atop the mail box, and put on a Napoleonic era hat he had kept in his chest cavity. He served the conquered city of New New York. Fry and Leela held each other and watched in horror as Bender stood like a General surveying a battlefield. They shared one final kiss until their fate finally met up with them.

"And that's the story of how I, Bender Bending Rodriguez killed all humans." Bender said closing a leather bound book.

The Bending bot looked over the small children sleeping peacefully in their cots. He saw that little Sally hadn't covered up all the way and draped the blanket over the 3 eared child. He placed the book into his chest cavity and slowly walked out of the Orphanarium, careful not to wake any of the sleeping children.

"Daddy Bender?" Little Sally had followed him outside into the cold night.

"What do you want mini meat ball?" Bender pretended to be tough toward the little child.

"Will you read us a bedtime story next week too?" She asked.

The Bending bot walked toward the little girl and picked her up with his powerful arms. "Sure thing little lady, now get inside before you catch a cold!" Bender set her back down and watched as she ran back inside the un kept Orphanarium. He began to walk back toward his own home, but stopped and took one final look at the Orphanarium. He sighed and continued on his walk.

He made his way back to the apartment that him and Fry shared. Fry was sitting on the couch and turned volume TV down when Bender walked in.

"Where have you been Bender?" He asked.

"Oh, at the bar. Talking about politics, history and killing all humans, you know the usual." He said pouring himself a drink.

Fry turned back up the volume on the TV and was soon engrossed in whatever he was watching. Bender made sure he wasn't looking and winked to nobody in particular.

Later that night when they both retired for the night, He turned on the light in his small closet space and opened his chest plate admiring the picture of the robot that was smoking a candy cane playing with smiling children.

"Daddy loves all of you." Bender sighed closing the chest plate and falling back asleep.

The End


End file.
